Annel @ 15 :-)

This will be a first for 2014.

(February 28, 2014) Sorry if I wasn’t at School today to greet you personally and stuff. Happy happy birthday Annel! I wish you all the best. Thank you for everything. Literally for everything. For the times na nag-uusap tayo na parang all the time na naman ata haha and ‘yun, sa lahat ng words mo. Sige pati na din sa mga kurot/sakitan natin pati na din yung kame-hame wave natin. Thanks for everything. Really lucky to have you as one of my best friends; the ones who actually stayed despite of this flawed human being. Sorry if at times marami akong pagkukulang. Like, for example, nung nag-McDo ka ng mag-isa because I woke up late na hindi na naman kataka-taka.

Lucky to have someone na at one look, nakakapag-communicate tayo with all our puns/hirits/banats haha! You’ve done so much for Kevin and I, and for this day and for the days to come, you sure deserve to be happy. That sublime feeling where makakalimutan mo lahat ng problems mo for the moment, na itatawa mo ng sobra yung tawa mo’ng sobrang nakakahawa. I hope you know na whatever you do, pagkakamali ‘man yano ano, we still appreciate and love you no matter what haha.

Lucky to have you because you’re a Beatlemaniac. Onting onti nalang tayong nagkakaintindihan about The Beatles and I can see na magaling talaga ‘to si Lord kasi ikaw pa ‘tong naging Beatlemaniac hahaha na-sakto pa na super close pa natin.

Anyway dami ko na atang nasabi. Happy Birthday again, Annel! I hope you had or you’re still having a greaaaaat one. God bless!

Love Always,
Deips.

p.s. Happy Birthday din daw sabi ni Direk, pero may show pa din tayo sa CTL.

“The only premi…

rh“The only premise is we are not telling you how many children you should have, but we are reminding you na when you have a child, you have to clothe, shelter, feed and so many things that you have to prepare for this child. Give them that opportunity, give them that chance and you can’t do that it’s ‘bahala na’”

-President Aquino on the controversial Reproductive Health Law

January.

Past few weeks had been devastating and sort of great too.

  • Speech Choir: I joined not because of the exemption in the performance task in English but because I don’t want to graduate High School without joining in any speech choir competitions. Haha, when I was asked to join by my English teacher, I said yes quickly and unreservedly. But all the practice tires me out, but somehow I know the hard work will pay off.
  • Tutor: I don’t know if many people know about it already but yup, i got a tutor in Math because ((just check my previous post)). I actually feel a little shamed about it; makes me feel really weak and vulnerable but I remember that it’s not bad to seek the help you really need. Especially Junior year, where as they say, is very crucial because universities will look on them more.
  • PL: I was so glad Ms. Ubas made me an admin of The Paulinian Link’s facebook page! Can update photos and other information of some sort. I’ve been targeting this really for a long time. I hope we get a twitter account soon since sadly, the School’s twitter account’s not really that updated and only posts suspension of classes. And i think that’s where PL should come in, since it’s the news organization of the school and we’re mandated to disseminate information. Haha okay i’ve said too much.

Bye.

What it feels like to fail

What does it feel like to fail? I guess everyone’s got their own stories of failure, but not everyone can put them into words. Luckily i can so i’ll just write it down.

What does it feel like to fail?

Worse than a heartbreak, than hunger, than any physical injury. It’s that moment where you felt like your heart just fell, stepped on and thrown away. I’ve had failures –many of it actually. Where i never expected i’d have so many.

A lot of people may say it’ll pass but it won’t, i don’t think it will.

I’m tired, all drained and worn out. Unmotivated too. I just want to stop studying and whoever will say other kids don’t get the chance to study, well, they can have my chance. Because i’m done. This failure feels like a gunshot, right in the heart. It’s that failure where it makes you think of all the things you failed to get, the people you failed to win over, arguments you lost, or scores you failed to save.

I actually hate myself for causing inconvenience to people. To my family & my friends, who, from the start, had been there for me. They kept telling me that i can do it, that they believe in me, that i should move on and stuff. But the things is, contrary to what most of those who know me believe, i take time to move on from things. And when i say time, i mean a lot. But i thank and appreciate these people because without them, life is nothing. Nothing.

What does it feel like to fail?

Exhausting. All the nights you spent trying, yet you fail to even raise your grades to a single point. God, nothing feels worse. I don’t know if some people take me personally that’s why my grades were like this or what. I’m not blaming anyway.

What does it feel like to fail?

It makes you hate yourself. It makes your inner demons grow and take over all the good that’s left in you. It exhausts you from all the thinking, and sinks you even more.

I have so many things to do and the thing is i always take responsibility because i fear that things might fail if i don’t do anything. I feel like quitting as the President of the Class and as Associate Editor because, like many people say, ‘lagi nalang ikaw gumagawa’.

I even feel like quitting School. Because all of it tires me out. I don’t know.

What does it feel like to fail?

It makes you think you don’t know anything. That’s it.

Indios, We Remain the Indios

Centuries have passed
Since Mother Spain has left
Las Islas Filipinas
And yet –at some point
Indios, we remain the Indios!

And how can we say
That Indios we remain today?
It is reflected on how we put people
In the Chambers of Senado and Kamara
And no other than, in the Palace of Malacañan

Indios, we remain the Indios
For many of the futures of our Great Nation
Has thought of nothing
But of infatuation, of vices
Have they thought of education?
Why, such a waste for this people to remain the Indios!

The common Filipino
Should not consider himself the Indio
If, be it big or little, he helps his Motherland
To prosper, to grow, to triumph
If he does not do anyone wrong
More than that, he gives love to his dear countrymen

On the other part
A Filipino remains an Indio
If he has done nothing but to degrade the Nation
When he plunders the money of the common Filipino
If he chooses to dwell into ignorance and apathy
And chooses not to learn and to sink in to idiocy.

And so dear reader
Prove to me and to the World
That you do not remain, the pitiful Indio
Get up and help the Nation
Leave thy selfish ways and do what you can
Not only so you may have a say
Alas, my dear Filipinos, do we indeed, remain the Indios?

Kapag ‘lumakas ang ulan’, papaano ka?

 

Hindi mo ‘to ginusto. Maiisip mo, bakit sa lahat ng tao, ako pa? Pero may mga panahon lang talagang nangyayari ito sa tipikal na estudyante. Isipin mo: hindi ka naka-service, malamang magko-commute ka papuntang Tipol. Medyo trapik (pero sabagay, papasok o pauwi ka man, trapik padin naman e!) pero hindi lang ‘yon ang dapat isipin. Kung lumakas nga ang ulan, papaano ka nga ba?

Paano kung mag-isa ka lang, tapos biglang bumagyo (oops, ‘umulan ng malakas’ pala ang term), tapos dumating sa punto na ma-stranded ka na kung nasaan ka. Normal lang ‘yan para sa mga kolehiyo na, lagi naming bahain sa Maynila. Pero paano na para sa mga freshman o sa mga wala pang karanasan pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay?

 

I. Bukod sa rosary na lagi mong dapat dala, ‘wag kakalimutan ang isang bagay na hinding hindi dapat mawala para sa isang mag-aaral –payong.

Hindi mo naman pwedeng gamitin ang libro o notebook mo bilang panangga sa ulan. Una, mahal ang libro. Pangalawa, bukod sa ulo mo, ano nga lang ba ang kayang takpan ‘non?

Hindi magandang maglakad sa ulan –‘wag mo na subukan. Kung ambon-ambon lang, siguro okay pa. Kaso kung yung tipong mala-Ondoy o mala-Habagat na ang ulan, ‘wag mo na subukan.

 

Susubukan pa niya ‘yan.

 

II. Extra money.

Aminin na natin, masarap talaga ang benta sa Canteen. Bukod sa Buko shake, Scramble, J.Co ‘man yan o kung ano, maliit man o malaki ang allowance mo, dapat may naitatago ka lagi. Hindi mo alam kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari –tulad na nga ng sitwasyong nabanggit, na na-stranded ka sa ulan.

Siguro kung may mahihiraman ka ng pera, okay pa. Pero hindi naman pwedeng lagi ka nalang nanghihiram. Dapat handa ka din kahit papaano kung dadating ang oras na kailangan mo sumakay sa FX/jeep/tricycle o kung ano man.

Note: ‘Wag na ‘wag matulog sa jeep.

III. “Ingat!”

Linya yan ng isang sikat na artista sa isang commercial ng gamot sa sakit ng ulo. Nahulaan mo ba? (John Lloyd –Biogesic.)

Balik tayo sa topic. Tulad nga ni John Lloyd (oo, si John Lloyd na ‘yun ah!) na pinag-iingat ka, kung malakas na ang buhos ng ulan, dapat mas mag-ingat ka! Hindi lang sa mga kawatang nakabantay, kundi pati na rin sa mga kanal/man-hole na inaayos (kung kalian tag-ulan?) dahil lubos itong mapanganib.

Tao ka, at hindi ka lang dapat maging tao. Dapat maging matalino kang tao, lalong lalo na sa mga panahong nagre-require ng isang napaka-importanteng bagay –common sense. Dahil sa mga panahong ito, hindi mo gagamitin ang mga mathematical equations, grammar, o kung ano man.

Common sense lang, Sentido Kumon.

Kung susumahin ang lahat ng mga naisulat ko, guidelines ‘yan tuwing tag-ulan. Lalong lao na kung lumakas na nga ang ulan, bumaha (‘wag naman sana) o kung ano pa ang mangyari. Sa huli, sana alalahanin mo ‘to lagi.

At tulad nga ni John Lloyd –Ingat!

#2014

It’s still a mystery, how a year with it’s dozen of months, can change a person, a family, a nation.

Where do we even begin to start the year? Ofcourse there’s the anticipation, the sense of excitement, fear, anxiety but most of all –there’s new hope. The Great Hope of which we all cling to at the times when everything around us is in doubt and yet we still look for reasons to keep on holding. The year that just arrived, welcomed with the skies filled with the bright lights, ushers us to a become a better person that we are in the year that just left.

Then there’s moments to reminisce, and people to commend for having those moments. There is your family, who had been ever-patient with you, dealing with a 21st century teenager. There are your friends, who were there for shoulders to cry on, to make you laugh so hard you’ll find breathing a difficult thing. And then there’s God and needless to say, He has really given us great years.

What a year 2013 has been. We all, at some point, had our hearts broken. Some of us even more than the usual. Some had triumphed, others have lost. People have departed, separated into their own ways. Some of us had actually proved what they’re really trying to do so, while some, are still in the process of doing so. Or maybe at this point, they might still be thinking of doing it. I guess that’s the thing about Years; we may set a stockpile of resolutions, mantras, motto or whatsoever, but in the end things do really depend on us –whether we leave it like how it is, or we change it the way we want to. Sometimes to fail in changing things and to accept that it’ll be that way.

People made it through earthquakes and typhoons and endured pain all the way. And that’s really commendable. Being strong in times of adversity does not only reveal true character but builds it. Yet the year brings in another set of events of which we shall triumph over what we win, or mourn for whatever we lose.

To whatever 2014 shall bring, I hope ya’ll be granted the strength, and let your faith sustain you.

Today is the 1st day out of the 365. You have that number of days to change yourself, your family, your nation for the better. Go forth.

“We too have paddled in the stream
From morning sun to night
But the seas between us broad have roared
From auld lang syne “

I spent the night
Admiring no one, nothing,
But the moon, the stars
And the immensity of the night

I wandered off the streets
On a cold December night
That was even made colder
But no less than the loneliness i contain

My friend, the Great Silence accompanied me
And things were great
Then i saw people
Their houses opened, candles were lit
Smiles and laughter was shared

That time, i felt lonely.
How was it like to have a family?
I’m starting to forget how it feels
Because these people hate me
But i hate myself more than they do

I was not struck by the earthquake
Nor was i ravaged by the typhoon
Yet it is the feeling that matters
And all in all, i felt both –even more of that.

My mother tells me
That things were already okay
That the fight has been settled
And that they learned their lesson.

It made no difference for me
How easy for her to tell me for me to be okay
But it’s not; nor will it ever be
The happening has changed me
It has, as it seems, branded me with its curse.

And i’m bound to be like this
No one can save me
I can’t even picture it anymore
Trying to save myself
No one can, not even I.

Alas, as this piece concludes
Whether the miserable life continues
Or if it ceases to exist [which, of course, i desire to]
I wish you all
The happiness, the peace
But most of all –the love.
For no greater sickness has there existed
But the feeling of being unloved or unwanted
And i never wanted you all to feel that way.

It’s Faith, apo!

“Mala-impyerno” is how my 74 year old grandfather describes the cataclysmic happening in Leyte, which as of the moment has taken atleast 3000 lives, injured 20, 000, and has affected not just millions of Filipinos, but the whole Nation itself. Super typhoon Yolanda or Haiyan as known internationally, has tested once again the resiliency and faith of a Nation that has been through thick and thin. It did not pick anyone to inflict damage on –be it the rich or the poor, the young or the aged, man or woman, the beggar or the City’s Mayor. One thing’s certain –that Yolanda has surely took the lives of many, destroyed buildings, uprooted trees and yet failed to do one thing: take away the Filipino spirit.

It must have been heartbreaking –my Lolo leaving Tanauan, Leyte and temporarily residing here in Manila, yet he does not have an idea of what has happened to the closest friends of his. Are they alive? Are they not? Probably one of the hardest questions to answer at the moment. Whenever he tells me the story, or atleast one of my relatives do, all they would say is “Andaming patay”. And it must have taken them a huge amount of strength to be able to tell the story, as though the trauma is over. My parents went to Leyte, notwithstanding the dangers they may face from the survivors fighting for food, just to get our relatives out of the typhoon-stricken place.

And the relief, the looting? What has one to say about it? The Government, or as we may refer to it as ‘The State’, has named the relief operations as one of the biggest logistical challenge there ever is –trying to reach out the relief goods to the victims of the calamity. And each day that the delivery of relief is delayed, we are slowly making this tragedy as man-made disaster. Why so? It’s because thousands have died due to the storm, the storm surge or whatsoever. But by the Grace of God, millions have survived, but because relief delivery is taking so long, people might just die out of starvation, of thirst, of them trying to fight for food, trying to preserve their life. In which we hope not. Yolanda has left. Relief has been distributed; bodies have been cleared out of the streets, and signal’s back in certain places. The Philippines is surely one step ahead of the thousands it has to take to rise up from this disaster.

I don’t talk to my Lolo that much (I’m every awkward), except upon occasions wherein I’d sit down next to him or we’d eat together. Sometimes, I want to ask him of what keeps him going, despite of the tragedy in Leyte, whom he loved, he loves, and he’ll always love. But then I figured out he’ll answer me with:

“It’s faith, apo. Faith in God.”