What it feels like to fail

What does it feel like to fail? I guess everyone’s got their own stories of failure, but not everyone can put them into words. Luckily i can so i’ll just write it down.

What does it feel like to fail?

Worse than a heartbreak, than hunger, than any physical injury. It’s that moment where you felt like your heart just fell, stepped on and thrown away. I’ve had failures –many of it actually. Where i never expected i’d have so many.

A lot of people may say it’ll pass but it won’t, i don’t think it will.

I’m tired, all drained and worn out. Unmotivated too. I just want to stop studying and whoever will say other kids don’t get the chance to study, well, they can have my chance. Because i’m done. This failure feels like a gunshot, right in the heart. It’s that failure where it makes you think of all the things you failed to get, the people you failed to win over, arguments you lost, or scores you failed to save.

I actually hate myself for causing inconvenience to people. To my family & my friends, who, from the start, had been there for me. They kept telling me that i can do it, that they believe in me, that i should move on and stuff. But the things is, contrary to what most of those who know me believe, i take time to move on from things. And when i say time, i mean a lot. But i thank and appreciate these people because without them, life is nothing. Nothing.

What does it feel like to fail?

Exhausting. All the nights you spent trying, yet you fail to even raise your grades to a single point. God, nothing feels worse. I don’t know if some people take me personally that’s why my grades were like this or what. I’m not blaming anyway.

What does it feel like to fail?

It makes you hate yourself. It makes your inner demons grow and take over all the good that’s left in you. It exhausts you from all the thinking, and sinks you even more.

I have so many things to do and the thing is i always take responsibility because i fear that things might fail if i don’t do anything. I feel like quitting as the President of the Class and as Associate Editor because, like many people say, ‘lagi nalang ikaw gumagawa’.

I even feel like quitting School. Because all of it tires me out. I don’t know.

What does it feel like to fail?

It makes you think you don’t know anything. That’s it.


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